A Snarky Girl's Guide to Life

unemployed at 30 - winning at life since 1981

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Interviewing: Dating Without the Cocktails

Interviewing for jobs would be much more enjoyable if someone offered me a cocktail.  You know, kind of like a date. Everyone could use a little something to gain some liquid courage and take away the inevitable first date/interview jitters. With warm cheeks and one of those carefree smiles that let you know I’m buzzed, it’d be much easier to talk about myself if I had a Maker’s in hand.

Unfortunately, unless I had planned on interviewing with Don Draper 50 years ago, I won’t be offered anything more than water this day in age. However, despite the lack of booze, being unemployed and looking for work is strikingly similar to dating.

In essence, my ex-employer dumped me in July 2011. We had been “dating” for nearly 2 years and I thought this was finally the company I could have a lasting, committed relationship with for many years to come.

Well, business is business and I got burned. Of course my employer said “It’s not you, it’s me” but I was still confused. I took a closer look at our relationship to see where I went wrong.  I was hard working, fun to be with, honest, always made cupcakes and even taught co-workers and VPs how to use programs no one else could. So, why did I get dumped? After being dumped from my previous employer and spending 11 months in 2009 looking for work, this position had special meaning to me.  

Like any disgruntled ex-girlfriend/employee, I Facebook stalked my old co-workers. I found every opportunity to meet for drinks and discuss the latest gossip or e-mail to ask how things were going.

Initially, it was daunting to even think about sending out resumes and “dating” again. I knew no employer could live up to how amazing my ex was; even if he dumped me. But as time wore on, I was dating again and playing the field. Of course by dating, I mean interviewing. And just like any date (without the cocktails): you dress to impress, smile like you mean it and do your best to talk yourself up, all while being confident and clever.

I had friends “set me up” with employers they thought would be a good match. After we met, I would e-mail letting him/her know what a great time I had. In my eyes many of these dates/interviews went well. So, in the hopes of hearing back, I would proceed to sit by the phone and wait for the call that would never come.

And here I am today. I’m still dating, but not regularly. Trying to grab the attention of the Jake Gyllenhals’ or Brad Pitts’ of the job world when I can’t even get the Taco Bell guy’s number.

I keep asking myself, what’s wrong with me? I’m a pretty amazing gal, so why don’t I have a job?

Of late, I’ve been “talking” to my ex again. Truly. We’ll see what happens. He seems interested but I don’t want to get hurt again. I’ve had my heart broken once and I definitely need some kind of commitment before this gal gives it another try. 

Filed under 30 years old unemployed prose success dating job hunting laid off unemployment interviewing interviews

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My Unemployment in Numbers

While self-loathing isn’t as trendy as it was when I was 15, I thought it’d be interesting to put together some facts & figures on unemployment. Specifically my experience being unemployed.

Day I Got Laid Off: July 6, 2011

Days Been Unemployed: 270 +

Resumes Sent Out In LA: (around) 157

Interviews in LA: 11

Resumes Sent Out In Denver: (around) 63 +

Interviews in Denver: 9

Cost to Print Out 2-Page Resume at Office Depot: $1.36

Longest I’ve Driven For An Interview: 130 miles (Round Trip) - LA

Shortest I’ve Driven For An Interview: 3 miles (Round Trip) - Denver

Phone Interviews (in LA & Denver): 8

2nd Interviews (in LA & Denver): 8

3rd Interviews (in LA & Denver): 3

E-Mails/Calls from Presidents/CEOs of Companies Telling Me “What a hard decision it was & it was between you & 1 other person” (& the other person got the job): 4

Average Number of Jobs Applied/Weekly: 6 - 15 Resumes

Hours Spent on the Computer/Weekly Job Searching/Researching: 30 - 50 

E-Mail Checked Daily: 5 - 12 x Day

Self-Pity Induced Cry Sessions on My Situation: 3 - 5 x Month

Monthly Cost for COBRA (if purchased): $80 - $300

Monthly Cost for Anti-Depressants With Insurance: $3. Without Insurance: $127.63.

Monthly Income Has Decreased 55% Based on My Last Salary & What I now Make on Unemployment.

Miles Moved From LA to Denver: 1020

Filed under unemployment unemployed 30 years old job hunt

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Fabulous, Unemployed & Life at 30

I always had this idea of where my life would be when I turned 30. This idea didn’t include being unemployed for a second time. I thought I’d be really successful working in fashion or music, been promoted a couple of times, making good money, living in LA or New York and wearing all those clothes I could never afford when I first graduated college. Those ideas have since fizzled and reality has set in that I am no where I thought I’d be at 30.

I am terribly jealous of all the people around my age who have, by all appearances, become very successful in their careers. Young entrepreneurs of products I use or sites I go to, women working at fashion-based PR agencies, the people working at the record labels (I say that with a grain of salt since 70% of people in the industry/at labels have been laid off), but you get the picture.

What would my life be like if I did get one of those jobs I’d die for. Working for Marc Jacobs in New York, working for WhoWhatWear.com, working for Warner Music Group, working for a great, creative, young company I believe in with amazing people. I’m sure I’d be jaded and modest about my work as I’ve been in the past with previous, superficially fabulous positions. While modest, I’ve always been appreciative and recognized I have been lucky to do some of the things I’ve done. But, what could I have done differently?

Being laid off is completely disheartening. Especially when you know, and have been told by others, that you were really fucking good at your job. Your livelihood, your sanity, yourself worth all lies in someone else’s kickback or VP’s raise. It’s all politics, really. But to higher ups you are just part of the bottom line.

Life has it’s way of working out and everything happens for a reason. Recently I moved to Denver and my best friend told me how jealous she was that I could just “..get up and move”. I suppose I agree in some ways. I do feel lucky to have been able to live in great cities like Vegas, LA and now Denver. But when am I going to get to that point in my life where I can stay with a company, grow, be successful, make a difference and be valued for my hard work?

They say when one door closes, another opens but I’ve been stuck between doors for almost 7 months. For the second time in 3 years. When is this going to change? When is my career going to begin?

Filed under 30 years old unemployed unemployment prose success laid off

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Snooze-ville

Have you ever dated someone who snores? Most people who snore deny it. Seriously? Remember when you found me fast asleep on my couch last week? It wasn’t because my couch is more comfy, it’s because you snore fucker. Do I need to record you while you sleep soundly while I lay awake at 3AM because you sound like a car crash every 15 seconds? Ya, you snore. So either get some nasal strips, go see your Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist or sleep on your mother fucking side otherwise this has gotta end. My night’s slumber is way too precious to consider spending the rest of my life with no sleep.

Filed under dating relationships boyfriend snoring insomnia no sleep girlfriend funny